It's been awhile since I ranted anything on my blog, and now is the time,
1.14am in my room.
It deserve a post after all.
You don't get hurt every day by someone you call Family.
Don't you think it is worth my time, commemorating this moment, from the deepest part of my heart?

I always wanted a companion, since I was a kid, I wanted a pet that could accompany me when I am sad, be happy with me when I am happy, and comfort me when no one understands.
Without condition, without spoken words, and certainly, with no strings attached.
It's not like I am saying I do not have friends like this.
But sometimes, there are times in life you wish to keep this side to someone, or rather, something, that would never breath a word to another.

I never told anyone this. I don't even think it is necessary. There's something in life that is better left unspoken so as to not worry those that care about you.
Yet, now speaking of it, doesn't mean it doesn't matter.

I understand what you are trying to say. I have thought about it quite a fair bit, and that was why I brought them to see her. If I am really as willful and as inconsiderate as you make me, I would have brought her home without a second word. I wouldn't have waited for a week, trying to convince or persuade. I wouldn't have wasted my breath, if all doesn't matter.

But now, you don't think so. You think that she is just a selfish little kid trying to get what she want. Guess what? I am selfish, so are you. You make your words sounded like you are thinking on their behalf, but have you thought about whether or not your words would hurt me?

No, you didn't.

And if you have bothered to ask me, I would have told you, I really wanted her, but since they are not willing, I will not force. Even though I appeared to be forceful and everything, it was just my last ditch of attempt.

However, sometimes, a process doesn't necessary guarantee a sure-end.

 I was going to tell the person-in-charge the next morning with a text that sadly, my family is not ready to welcome a new member.

But no, you decidedly assume that my silence meant you are correct, even though you knew my throat cannot allow me a single word. You knew, and you choose to ignore. You choose to let your ego to take over.

I am sad. Not only by the fact I am not going to have her, but by you. Of course, not forgetting to laugh at you at the end of the line at your so called nobility and thinking in other people's shoes.

Such a mindless creature, I pity you, and the next thing you know, I am not going to talk to you anymore.

This is not a silent treatment-- This is called disappointment.

Disappointment over a close one who failed to hear the words, and prefer to see from his blind spot.

Your Independence had always been a inspiration, but now it had transformed into a monster of self-perception, one you are not even aware of.

Do you really think? Or is your mind so mush-up by the knowledge and self-worth, that you failed to see that you have hurt me?

Next thing you knew, I am going to hurt you too.

And sometimes, we don't uses words.










I can't take it anymore.







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