Sunday, June 12, 2011
@ 7:18 PM
I dread the coming of tomorrow.
Something's going to go terribly wrong. My day will be ruin, and I know the sunshine will be blocked.
It will rain tomorrow. I know it.
/Angels' ain't smiling me gracefully today, and tomorrow. /
Felt the cold, felt the letdown and despair. I don't want tomorrow to come. I want everything to be over with.
/Education? Or a New Path?/
Don't know, Don't Know...
Friday, June 10, 2011
@ 9:54 PM
Coming back to blogging, because I have nowhere to pour my troubles.
So afraid and depress to say this, but I am /giving up/.
Giving up on my dreams, my passion, and perhaps, my everything.
/It is killing me./
I am no longer happy. No longer cheerful, and certainly, I am no longer Me.
I'm losing myself. I know it as I counted my days with my fingers, instead of doing something to pass them.
I'm getting really really lost. There use to be happiness, sadness, and even frustrations. Those feelings makes me feel alive, makes me feel that I am actually feeling.... Yet now, all I felt to my life is emptiness.
Nothing more.
/Nothing More, ever./
So empty, that every drop seems to escape.
There's a hole there that cannot be mended.
I must get out before anything happen to me. Before I really lose my sanity to this.
I can't do it anymore.
Call me a coward, but now all I wanna do is run away and never look back.
I give up.
I am so disappointed.
/This isn't the life I wanted./
Now, all I wanted is Out.
Out of here.
Out of this Life.
/I stopped dreaming./
Because all it left is nightmares and nothing.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
@ 7:18 PM
I can't take it anymore.
Can't. Take. It. Anymore.
“她们都快把我逼疯了！”
I'm Serene. Serene Cai. I can be stressed, but I nvr back down from one. Why?
Because there are people that's willing to help, that even without helping, will not backstab you.
That will not be so insufferable as one could be.
But ha, how lucky I am to meet her, to meet THEM.
Freak, Freak the hell outta them.
Why can't this world be rid of such vile humans?
They are so disgusting, so not-humans.
I have enough, I HAD ENOUGH.
My fault, you scold, its totally fine. It is a equation that totally balances.
Not my fault, you start dripping sarcasm as if you eat it for dinner.
GO. TO. HELL.
Huh. Honor God? Honor God? You wish to reach heavens, while abiding to every rule the god makes, but not how you think?
Do you know that to go heavens, you need not only to follow His rules and words, but also to Think like one?
I hate you. When you are totally hated by someone, you're never going to reach that blue skies.
I curse you to be denied by the gates, just like I have been denied to be treated as an equal.
-
有一天，我遇见了天使。
她说：“一切会变得更好。”
我选择相信她的话。
后来，她又来说：“一切会变得更好。”
我对她说：“不，不会变得更好。”
我宁愿相信别人，也不愿相信天使。
她的白衣下是黑色的羽翼，冷血的无情。
一切，都是谎言。
白衣天使。。。
哼。
太假了。
Sunday, August 1, 2010
@ 11:03 PM
Saturday, July 3, 2010
@ 6:13 PM
Code of the Day...
If this is my character and I don't fit in.
Perhaps it is time to change.
Either me, or the job itself.
-
I'm starting to feel lost.
If there is anyone out there who have been through my shoes.
Please, I need you to hear me.
I no longer know my way, my goals.
I'm getting really really really tired.
I know I'm a little muddle in my my work, I really wanted to change that. I really want to.
Its not that I'm not trying.
It's just that I can't do it that fast.
Do you know how depress I am when I heard that once again I have forgot something I shouldn't forget?
No matter how little the thing is.
I'm forgetful, I agree. I'm trying so hard to change.
It's not helping.
I know you are helping.
But it's really not helping..
I'm starting to feel that this job ain't for me.
Or perhaps, I am not meant for this job.
Is it time to give up?
Is it time... to give up?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
@ 11:00 PM
Code of the Day...
Closing my eyes, shutting my ears.
There's nothing wrong with me wanting to escape this cruel cruel world.
-
I have worked in my ward for abt 3 weeks now...
And its like HELL.
-
Motivation have come swift, and gone swift as well.
I'm sure everyone is feeling it... the demoralization.
We're getting yell at, we're getting put down, we have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, nowhere to pour those sorrows that are welling in our chest.
We have no outlet. Our spirits are being crushed.
I'm dying, I really am.
Every single day I work, I tried my hardest.
I woke up and tell myself, 'Hey, today will be a good day...'
Hey, then who knows? The moment work starts, I get put down.
Its like aiming the nozzle of an extinguisher towards the center of a flaming fire.
It dies off.
We're like that flame.
They are our extinguisher.
The passion I once had are diminishing.
I'm trying to renew it everyday by telling myself, 'It'll be a good day.'
Yet I know its nothing short of a lie that blinds me to the brutality.
They are nice.
But sometimes their way of showing it hurts.
Hurts so badly, that even tears had run dry.
I wanted to cry.
Yet nothing will come.
I have been denied.
People may have thought of me as being a little over with my statement...
But this is how my heart truly felt at this moment.
As I live everyday in my so-called 2nd home...
Home is where the dreams come true.
Where you find peace.
Yet it's giving me nightmares.
I'm trying, I really am.
Thanks to some of the little help along the way by my teachers.
I can still find some strength to move on.
But like I said before.
I'm dying.
++
Where is my saviour?
I have prayed every night for a good day.
Is this my punishment?
I just wish that there is one day I can be spared.
Can you please hear my pleads?
The pleads of a disappearing passion, a wavering stand, and a dying heart?
++
Monday, April 12, 2010
@ 4:51 PM
Code of the Day...
问世间情为何物,直教人生死相许?
天南地北双飞客,老翅几回寒暑.
欢乐趣,离别苦, 就中更有痴儿女,君应有语.
渺万里层云,千山暮雪,只影向谁去?
横汾路,寂寞当年箫鼓,荒烟依旧平楚.
招魂楚些何嗟及,山鬼暗啼风雨.
天地妒,未信与, 莺儿燕子俱黄土,千秋万古.
为留待骚人,狂歌痛饮,来访雁丘处 。
-
SO LONG NEVER UPDATE LE~
Ok, I am officially 20 yrs old, after my freaking birthday.
THANK you all for your well wishes, celebration, gifts =)
Makes me so... touched, that a simple thank you would never deliver the true feelings.
Yet all I can say is still, thanks.
Graduated, time for a job =) Yes, sadly.
My first step towards adulthood.
I applied for NHC, went for my interview...
Then I waited.
I got my SNB done btw ^^
O, the shiny card~
That I have to spend $100 to get, then renew by this end of november AGAIN.
But hey, its better than paying $100 for casino right?
Casino don't teach ya CPR.
It gives you chance to perform it!!! xD
Ok, end of nonsense.
Apparently, I waited.
Waited...
WAited...
Yea still waiting..
About donkey days/weeks later....
I still haven't gotten a reply abt when my work is starting.
Till today.
TODAY.
I called again, at the holy hour 10am++
And hey, someone finally picked up the phone, instead of hearing yet again, a voicemail!
O, the happiness of a human voice ^^
Machine sounds nice but it suxs...
So I was told about this plan to start our foundation programme in may.
Most probably, I was told, 17th May.
God, really, bless me... I'm rotting at home, I wanna get a part time job but I'm freaking lazy.
It happens when I rest too long waiting for something to happen.
The spirit just die off...
Sad.
Wee~
Tomorrow have plans with my old friends.
Hey, chill babes, we must go out ^^
CHIONG AR!
Good luck everyone, stay in touch, be happy always~